I've decided to be real
F the readers
F the onlookers
and their fishbowl
You don't know me
You never will
Not like him
I won't let you
It was such a weird night set off by an incredibly fortunate and unsuspected succession of days, this way we catch time and seal it in our grip and call it a week. I felt it in my bones hours before, that this would be different. He kept saying you're stalling. And I was. I didn't know why but there was a sweet one-winged angel standing to my right crying a single tear and smiling. I didn't know why she had come but I felt it all. And it made me move slower and more gently.
Not long after I arrived I realized what her tear was for. It was for prying eyes and loneliness and jealousy. And the missing wing... it's something that had to be made the best of. Maybe just one more shot to get it right. And I felt my neck getting red the way it always does when I forget to cover it. And I remembered, she smiled. She smiled. Across the room I see him standing alone. I mouth the words Let's get out of here. And for the next three hours and fifty-nine minutes he made sure I got every penny's worth out of that broken smile.
The thunder was so loud. And when it stopped all I could think was how rhythmic his breath was and how it made my body move. His fingertips felt like feathers that only caressed the most revealed of places and still I shuddered. And the rain kept time on the windows and we pressed it between us until we were ready to let go. And then I did. And then I did. And then I did. He curled in close behind me and soothed every fear that originated years and years ago with one calming touch of his right palm. And the tear came back. Fingers through my hair, legs intertwined, I love you. A kiss and more tears.
He cries when he leaves me.
Sunday, August 29, 2004
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
name: Daisy Girl
location: tha hood
hair color? reddish-brown, for the moment
eye color? bluish/greenish depending on what I'm wearing
age? 24
sexiest man ever? ...EVER? Hmmm. Ben Affleck.
do you like your breasts? Yes, i'm a fan :)
color of your bathing suit: hot pink and white
is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? I guess. But it's not much fun.
give me a book, movie, CD, and song recommendation. Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton (a tragic and frustrating love story about what happens to people who aren't brave enough to go for what they want), Girl Interrupted (and the book, it'll make more sense...), Under the Pink by Tori Amos, Baker Baker off the same CD.
what could you never tell your parents? I'm pretty sure my parents know everything. They just don't ask because they don't want to KNOW that they know. But they have a pretty good idea :)
are you in a romantic relationship right now? I don't think I've ever been in a romantic relationship :)
paper or plastic? paper
favorite song lyric? You called me beautiful when you saw my shame and you placed me on the wall anyway. -Nichole Nordeman
tell me a secret: Yeah right. You have to work for my secrets.
are you a good liar? Depends on the situation. I can cover for other people without blinking an eye, but when it comes to someone questioning me... I tend to get caught :)
opinion on gay marriage? Just one thought: Ummm yeah, marriage has worked grrrreat for this country so far. So let's keep pretending like it's this fabulous, sacred thing that we uphold to be pure above all else. F off and leave the gay people alone.
if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I would be back to my high school weight... I'm working on it.
what's your favorite accent? British. Wow.
are you on antidepressants? Don't get me started. And no, I prefer to deal with my crap.
tell me a joke: look at my paycheck. I laugh for hours.
everyone knows most people are... good at heart.
vous-parlez francais? Hablo Espanol. Spreken se Deutch?
is there a song or a CD or something that you strongly associate with a certain event in your life? Metallica, the Black Album, AC/DC, White Zombie, Tupac, Me Against the World, that stupid Puff Daddy remake of ...nobody gonna hold me down, oh no, I got to keep on mooovin..., ooooold George Strait, Diamond Rio, and about a zillion others.
how have you changed in the past year? went from crazy party girl who doesn't care, to crazy party girl who cares quite a bit :)
what is one thing you want to do before you die? Go to Italy.
do you like to travel? love it. Just need a valium before I get on the plane.
states you've been to: Most of them except New England. And that's on the list.
what countries have you been to? Mexico, England, Scotland, France
where do/did you go to school?: Westridge Christian, Temple Christian, Christian Heritage, Community Christian, Oklahoma Baptist, (are you starting to see a trend... no wonder I drink...), OU, OCCC, OCU.
cigarettes? hahhahaa. Not so much. But I'm trying.
lucky number: 9
favorite super hero: She-Ra princess of power
favorite sport: Basketball
worst mistake you ever made: not sure. lots of mistakes but learning from them has made me who I am.
if you were an animal, what would you be? A Kitty Cat, and I dance dance dance!
last cd you bought: People still buy CD's??
last movie you saw: Seabiscuit on cable. Good flick.
favorite tv channel: HBO
ever been arrested? We've been over this, yes.
ever had to have surgery? Nope.
kind of bike you had as a kid? Pink and purple Huffy.
lefty or righty: Righty
what would you want to do if you got drunk? ...IF? hahahhaa. Probably the same thing I always do, giggle alot and tell everybody around me that I think I'm getting drunk.
do you like your name? Love it. My mom rocks.
what do you want to be when you grow up? In love and making a difference in the world.
favorite concert you have been to? Well, just depends. The Jack Ingram show w/ Todd Snider is one of my favorite memories.
favorite board game: Crack the Case, yeeeah Jackie, you know you like it :)
favorite drink: crown and coke
favorite sound: Tucker's sleepy meow-- it's more of a squeak and sooo cute.
favorite smell: a boy
drinks with or without ice cubes? with with with
favorite thing to do on the weekends: Sleep, watch movies, go out.
favorite soundtrack: Rules of Attraction
what was the first thing you thought to yourself when you woke up this morning: Thank God I'm only working half a day. Then I said a little prayer for God to help me find a place to live.
what are you doing after you finish this? Looking at houses.
who did you get this from: The one and only Notorius S.T.E.P.H.
location: tha hood
hair color? reddish-brown, for the moment
eye color? bluish/greenish depending on what I'm wearing
age? 24
sexiest man ever? ...EVER? Hmmm. Ben Affleck.
do you like your breasts? Yes, i'm a fan :)
color of your bathing suit: hot pink and white
is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? I guess. But it's not much fun.
give me a book, movie, CD, and song recommendation. Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton (a tragic and frustrating love story about what happens to people who aren't brave enough to go for what they want), Girl Interrupted (and the book, it'll make more sense...), Under the Pink by Tori Amos, Baker Baker off the same CD.
what could you never tell your parents? I'm pretty sure my parents know everything. They just don't ask because they don't want to KNOW that they know. But they have a pretty good idea :)
are you in a romantic relationship right now? I don't think I've ever been in a romantic relationship :)
paper or plastic? paper
favorite song lyric? You called me beautiful when you saw my shame and you placed me on the wall anyway. -Nichole Nordeman
tell me a secret: Yeah right. You have to work for my secrets.
are you a good liar? Depends on the situation. I can cover for other people without blinking an eye, but when it comes to someone questioning me... I tend to get caught :)
opinion on gay marriage? Just one thought: Ummm yeah, marriage has worked grrrreat for this country so far. So let's keep pretending like it's this fabulous, sacred thing that we uphold to be pure above all else. F off and leave the gay people alone.
if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I would be back to my high school weight... I'm working on it.
what's your favorite accent? British. Wow.
are you on antidepressants? Don't get me started. And no, I prefer to deal with my crap.
tell me a joke: look at my paycheck. I laugh for hours.
everyone knows most people are... good at heart.
vous-parlez francais? Hablo Espanol. Spreken se Deutch?
is there a song or a CD or something that you strongly associate with a certain event in your life? Metallica, the Black Album, AC/DC, White Zombie, Tupac, Me Against the World, that stupid Puff Daddy remake of ...nobody gonna hold me down, oh no, I got to keep on mooovin..., ooooold George Strait, Diamond Rio, and about a zillion others.
how have you changed in the past year? went from crazy party girl who doesn't care, to crazy party girl who cares quite a bit :)
what is one thing you want to do before you die? Go to Italy.
do you like to travel? love it. Just need a valium before I get on the plane.
states you've been to: Most of them except New England. And that's on the list.
what countries have you been to? Mexico, England, Scotland, France
where do/did you go to school?: Westridge Christian, Temple Christian, Christian Heritage, Community Christian, Oklahoma Baptist, (are you starting to see a trend... no wonder I drink...), OU, OCCC, OCU.
cigarettes? hahhahaa. Not so much. But I'm trying.
lucky number: 9
favorite super hero: She-Ra princess of power
favorite sport: Basketball
worst mistake you ever made: not sure. lots of mistakes but learning from them has made me who I am.
if you were an animal, what would you be? A Kitty Cat, and I dance dance dance!
last cd you bought: People still buy CD's??
last movie you saw: Seabiscuit on cable. Good flick.
favorite tv channel: HBO
ever been arrested? We've been over this, yes.
ever had to have surgery? Nope.
kind of bike you had as a kid? Pink and purple Huffy.
lefty or righty: Righty
what would you want to do if you got drunk? ...IF? hahahhaa. Probably the same thing I always do, giggle alot and tell everybody around me that I think I'm getting drunk.
do you like your name? Love it. My mom rocks.
what do you want to be when you grow up? In love and making a difference in the world.
favorite concert you have been to? Well, just depends. The Jack Ingram show w/ Todd Snider is one of my favorite memories.
favorite board game: Crack the Case, yeeeah Jackie, you know you like it :)
favorite drink: crown and coke
favorite sound: Tucker's sleepy meow-- it's more of a squeak and sooo cute.
favorite smell: a boy
drinks with or without ice cubes? with with with
favorite thing to do on the weekends: Sleep, watch movies, go out.
favorite soundtrack: Rules of Attraction
what was the first thing you thought to yourself when you woke up this morning: Thank God I'm only working half a day. Then I said a little prayer for God to help me find a place to live.
what are you doing after you finish this? Looking at houses.
who did you get this from: The one and only Notorius S.T.E.P.H.
Monday, August 02, 2004
texan
she's from texas and weighs
103 pounds
and stands before the
mirror combing oceans
of reddish hair
which falls all the way down
her back to her ass.
the hair is magic and shoots
sparks as I lay on the bed
and watch her combing her
hair. she's like something
out of the movies but she's
actually here. we make love
at least once a day and
she can make me laugh
any time she cares
to. Texas women are always
healthy, and besides that she's
cleaned my refigerator, my sink,
the bathrrom, and she cooks and
feeds me healthy foods
and washes the dishes
too.
"Hank," she told me,
holding up a can of grapefruit
juice, "this is the best of them
all."
it says: Texas unsweetened
PINK grapfruit juice.
she looks like Katherine Hepburn
looked when she was
in high school, and I watch those
103 pounds
combing a yard and some change
of reddish hair
before the mirror
and I feel her inside of my
wrists and at the backs of my eyes,
and the toes and legs and belly
of me feel her and
the other part too,
and all of Los Angeles falls down
and weeps for joy,
the walls of the love parlors shake--
the ocean rushes in and she turns
to me and says, "damn this hair!"
and I say,
"yes."
Charles Bukowski, Love is a Dog from Hell
she's from texas and weighs
103 pounds
and stands before the
mirror combing oceans
of reddish hair
which falls all the way down
her back to her ass.
the hair is magic and shoots
sparks as I lay on the bed
and watch her combing her
hair. she's like something
out of the movies but she's
actually here. we make love
at least once a day and
she can make me laugh
any time she cares
to. Texas women are always
healthy, and besides that she's
cleaned my refigerator, my sink,
the bathrrom, and she cooks and
feeds me healthy foods
and washes the dishes
too.
"Hank," she told me,
holding up a can of grapefruit
juice, "this is the best of them
all."
it says: Texas unsweetened
PINK grapfruit juice.
she looks like Katherine Hepburn
looked when she was
in high school, and I watch those
103 pounds
combing a yard and some change
of reddish hair
before the mirror
and I feel her inside of my
wrists and at the backs of my eyes,
and the toes and legs and belly
of me feel her and
the other part too,
and all of Los Angeles falls down
and weeps for joy,
the walls of the love parlors shake--
the ocean rushes in and she turns
to me and says, "damn this hair!"
and I say,
"yes."
Charles Bukowski, Love is a Dog from Hell
Sunday, August 01, 2004
So who did he think I was
Just roll up and think it was that easy
Maybe we'll have some small talk
Then maybe something a little more
Damn
Things are in trouble and I'm about to jump ship
Call Ashly
She writes about it
So she must give it up for free
Wrong
The last person I gave it up to
Free of charge
And chains
Was a man I almost spent the rest of my life with
A man I might still spend
The rest of my
Life
With
Everybody else
The select few
Has had to pay
They pay with secrets
And lies
And false hopes
Of someday being half an inch closer
To happiness than they are now
Or were then
As if I could bring it
As if I'd even try
So don't call my phone
Thinking today could be your lucky day
Because you can't afford me
Trust
Me
And the only other man who will get it free
Will pay with his soul
Just roll up and think it was that easy
Maybe we'll have some small talk
Then maybe something a little more
Damn
Things are in trouble and I'm about to jump ship
Call Ashly
She writes about it
So she must give it up for free
Wrong
The last person I gave it up to
Free of charge
And chains
Was a man I almost spent the rest of my life with
A man I might still spend
The rest of my
Life
With
Everybody else
The select few
Has had to pay
They pay with secrets
And lies
And false hopes
Of someday being half an inch closer
To happiness than they are now
Or were then
As if I could bring it
As if I'd even try
So don't call my phone
Thinking today could be your lucky day
Because you can't afford me
Trust
Me
And the only other man who will get it free
Will pay with his soul
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