So all the quietness has forced me back to the dark side and I find my seedier voice wanting to come out and play more often. So I figure I should comply...

I was reminded again tonight
of my perfection
My round parts in all their gloriousness
They are the subject
Of so many
late night
low light
Binges on ice cream and mac n cheese
XL T-shirt pulled over my knees
bent up and pressed into the instigators
as I sit and stare at the moving pictures
On the silver screen in front of me
And try not to think about what I'll look like
when I pass the mirror on the way to the bathroom
To puke it all up
He won't love me
Nobody wants to talk to the fat girl
And damned if all sense doesn't hit me like a
mac truck
And I think about one night
of my life
when it all changed
We were laying in bed naked
talking
about nothing in particular
when he got up
stood in front of the mirror
And said come here
he grabbed my arm and pulled me out from underneath the
covers
He held me by the shoulders
from behind and I crossed my arms to keep from seeing all of it
Me
he pulled my arms down to my side and said
Look
This is gorgeous
This
is sexy
This is why I'm here
And not somewhere else
And we stood quietly
Then I promptly thanked him
And I struggle every day to remember
That all girls have jiggley parts
Even the little ones, they just jiggle a little less
That's how we were made
To be softness to fall into
And out of and into again
And damn if I could just
Get
A
Piece
So I'm putting the good little inhibited girl into hiding
And letting the big loud dirty messy GORGEOUS girl
Out to play

It's been coming up alot lately. I heard a song this morning that took me back.

We were laying in bed one night. I thought he was asleep. He rolled over and wrapped his arms around me and whispered, We could make this work. I pretended I was asleep. He kissed my hair and rolled over. I cried myself to sleep.

Two days before I left town we went to lunch. I looked across the front seat at him. He said, We can do this. I'll sell the truck, we'll get an apartment. We can be a family. I cried. And I told him no. I was scared to death. What was I supposed to do?

So he did it with someone else.

And now he says it was all for the best, except for one thing... I was the one he wanted.