Great Secret Keeper
keep my secrets tonight
take my tears and bottle them up
for recollection in happier days
of a man who was almost mine
don't tell him
the sadness is incessant
and the doubts blindsided
the hope I had harbored for so long
don't let him see
the tears that soaked my pillow
on a Sunday morning
on an empty half of a bed
please don't tell him
because it would kill him
that I feel betrayed and used
and thrown away
and shamed
Great Secret Keeper
keep this secret from the world
that I knowingly cause pain
in other people's lives
all in the name of love and questioning
And eventual happiness
Please keep it locked up tight
that I think this world
will always be cold and lonely
for most of us
and the only hope we have
is to learn how to radiate our own heat
in hopes to survive
Don't tell him
no other man's fingertips
and lips and touch
will ever come close
to knowing me in the ways he did
Don't tell him I loved him
just like he wanted me to
I did

It's almost like Dallas
All over again
Only not as dramatic
Not as intense
I am alone
But not suicidally alone
I guess once that part of you dies
It stays dead
But you still hurt
For some reason
Today I takes my rank
Among the unmentionables
The mistakes
The hidden and kept hidden
I rank atop
The wishing
Wanting
And would have's
And will never quite make it
To the have's and truly
List
The only thing I can figure
Is that I keep
Mastering the good-in-theory's
Thinking one day
The experiment will be a success
He will choose me
And I will be the best